Psalm 53

I've heard it said that if you never question your faith, perhaps you aren't really saved at all. Those words are somewhat comforting, but not very reassuring. It's like an oxymoron I can't wrap my head around.

To be honest, it's absolutely frustrating. I went from one day feeling so secure in my salvation to the next wondering what in the world God was thinking. I feel irritated with Him and while I know that is wrong, I still am. I wake up almost every day with this anxiety that makes me not want to get out of bed. On the days that I don't wake up with it, I wake up with a fear that even though I am not feeling anxious right then, that I will be at some point later in the day. So, I guess that makes me anxious right then too.

And it's those days that make me angry that God doesn't just swoop down and lift me out of this stupid funk I find myself in. I mean, He is that powerful, right? So why won't He help me? What is the lesson I am supposed to be learning in all of this? Is there even a lesson to be learned?

Seriously, what the heck???

I just don't see what possible good can come from the anxiety I feel. It hurts me. It hurts my husband. It hurts my children. It certainly hurts my relationship with God. And yet, there it is. I've let it take too much of my life. Too much of my joy.

So here I am trying to reclaim it.

While I was searching for a title for this blog, Psalm 53 randomly popped into my head. Although as you read through it, you will probably see that it was anything but random.

¹ The fool says in his heart,
"There is no God."
They are corrupt, and their ways are vile;
there is no one who does good.

² God looks down from heaven
on the sons of men
to see if there are any who understand,
any who seek God.

³ Everyone has turned away,
they have together become corrupt;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.

⁴ Will the evildoers never learn—
those who devour my people as men eat bread
and who do not call on God?

⁵ There they were, overwhelmed with dread,
where there was nothing to dread.
God scattered the bones of those who attacked you;
you put them to shame, for God despised them.

⁶ Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!
When God restores the fortunes of his people,
let Jacob rejoice and Israel be glad!