Thursday, April 1, 2010

Star Light, Star Bright

Sleep seems hard to come by these days. I stay up late and have trouble falling asleep. I lay there tossing and turning, but completely exhausted and desiring a full night's rest.

Ever since I was a little girl the night has always frightened me. I don't know why the dark is so scary, but it is. It feels foolish sometimes, but my heart starts to race at the thought of walking through our dark house at night.

For longer than I care to admit, my parents kept a mattress at the foot of their bed for me to sleep on. I would start the night out in my own room, burying my head under the covers and then scooting my body into the center of the bed. I was sure that if I was covered, that would somehow protect me from impending danger. But it rarely lasted long. I would fall asleep and be awakened by vivid, terrifying nightmares. I was always on the verge of death, but the story was never the same. Each night a different attacker chased me down.

Even now I still wake up on occasion with my body covered in sweat, heart racing. When I was pregnant I must have had 6 or 8 dreams about someone murdering the life growing within me. Thankfully the nightmares are becoming more and more scarce, but my fear of the night isn't. I hope to one day reach a point where I can wholeheartedly trust God to see me through the night.

Tonight isn't that night.

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